An End and a Beginning

"I'm sorry, but I'm tired of the standstills and never reaching any conclusions. I give up, I don't want to be part of this relationship anymore."

I don't recall many instances where a simple text message both burned me from the inside and opened my eyes to sanity and reason all within the same moment.
The downs have been short bursts. The reminders strewn about my room usually cause it. Sometimes the occasional memory. Wednesday, August 18th, 2010. I let it happen, I chose not to fight anymore. The discomforting feeling that I'm alone is quickly replaced by the strength I built with her. Because of her. She didn't pull me up, she made me get up. She helped me push myself beyond what my fears and misconceptions of self had limited me too. In the almost two years she was with me, she taught me a decade of lessons.

It wasn't until she dropped the bomb though, that I realized I was just using her as an excuse to keep moving forward. Just like everything else. Always using crutches like a coward. At the same time, I realized that she also had changes to make, ones that I can't be there for, things that are easier done alone. I pry too much, everyone's struggle is always my business, especially my significant other. Its a mindset.

Its been pretty surreal these last few days. Concern has been pouring from some of the most unexpected places. To be completely honest, I don't know exactly how to feel. This is something that I feel needs to happen, more and more. Looking back, it seems like everything was so rushed for a while, then seemed to slow down to an almost non-existent pace.

Tensions flared and stress got the better of both of us on numerous occasions. Would I change any of it? Would I right the wrongs on my end? No, it wouldn't solve anything and it wouldn't be fair. This needs to happen, for a number of reasons. I need to learn how to tackle the world without crutches, without using others as my safety net. I need to stop being afraid. I feel that she needs to go out and experience the world more, find herself, enjoy life, and most importantly be happy with herself for who she is.

"If you truly love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be."

So I'll let her go, meanwhile turning my full focus toward my goals. I'll keep moving forward, growing and progressing. However, I'll do it alone. The end marked the beginning of the latest strain. More resilient and volatile. I'm a brand new monster now.

Now let's see where this new path leads.